


Last Winter (I gave you my heart)

by daranoam



Category: Feverwake - Victoria Lee
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28437699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daranoam/pseuds/daranoam
Summary: After a break-up that leaves him homeless, Noam wanders the town aimlessly at night and spends his days working in a toy store that requires pointy ears as part of his uniform. Dara seems too good to be true when he enters his life, with all his love for stars and russian literature. Noam slowly learns he is.or Last Christmas AU
Relationships: Noam Álvaro/Dara Shirazi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	Last Winter (I gave you my heart)

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Last Christmas and it made me kinda sad so I decided to write a daranoam fic. They're both very out of character lmao I'm sorry. It's my first fic and it's kind of mess because how am I supposed to organize scenes without having it all be just dialogue or info dumping or just transforming them into my own characters? Crazy. Anyways I hope you enjoy this and forgive me for any spelling mistakes and making dara and noam ooc <33 also there are obviously gonna be Last Christmas spoilers in this so please be aware of that before reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone is, and i cant stress this enough, so out of character. anyways constructive criticism is appreciated?? but don't be too mean i'm sensitive

"You could get both of them, pretend Jesus had a twin," Noam said, false cheer in his voice.

He was in the middle of helping a short, plump lady decide between buying a naked Jesus or one that was wearing a white robe.

The lady smiled brightly, oblivious to Noam's annoyance. "Oh, you love your job, don't you? It's like you're in a dream," she said, looking around at the colorfully decorated store. It was packed with toys and candy, and it was truly every child's dream. As dreamy as it was, the store's sales spiked during December and lowered terribly after. 

Noam thought that if her hands weren't full of Jesus figurines she might have pinched his cheeks, and he cringed at the thought. 

He nodded approvingly, the overenthusiastic, false smile returning on his face.

"I do, it's the best job," he agreed, which was only mostly a lie. Noam might have enjoyed his job more if his salary was higher or if he didn't have to wear a uniform and, during December, pointy ears, but it did provide a good sleeping place on the nights when he wasn't couch surfing or didn't feel like wandering around town until dawn.

"This one is gorgeous," the lady said, pointing to the dressed one, "But I feel like this one has more fun," she continued, this time pointing to the naked doll.

"Oh yes, he seems like a fun guy," Noam nodded, tactfully taking the two figurines from the woman "So should I wrap both of these for you?" he asked and after a few seconds the woman nodded, visibly impressed by Noam for some reason. 

The door opened with a soft _ding,_ a gust of cold air traveling around the store. Noam hadn't heard from Carly in weeks, since she had broken up with him after she assured him there was no bad blood between them and they'd stay friends. They didn't stay friends, so Noam had had no chance to do something for her to get mad him, yet she seemed pretty fucking pissed when she went straight in line behind the lady with the Jesus figurines. Noam took his time unfolding the paper bags and placing the figurines carefully, counted the change two times and made sure to wish the lady a _good afternoon_ and _happy holidays_ and _come back soon_ , and somehow he still wasn't ready to face the angry Carly that just showed before him. 

"So I guess you're not buying anything?" he asked, attempting at humor. Carly was visibly unimpressed. 

"For fuck's sake will you just answer you dad's calls?" she said, and she looked more tired than angry.

"Hello to you, too, I guess. Also how is that any of your business?" 

"Because," Carly spit, "Whenever you don't pick up his calls, he calls me. Seventeen times just yesterday!"

Noam felt a little ashamed. He hadn't told his dad that they broke up and that he's been basically homeless since then. He let him think he still lived with Carly, so his dad wouldn't try to make him move back in with him. It resulted in problems like this.

"You haven't been to any of your doctor's appointments in the last weeks, either," she said "Don't play with these things, Noam. Your health is not a fucking joke." 

"I'm sorry," he huffed, "I'll make sure to answer his call next time. Now if you'll excuse me, you're holding the line." 

"There's no line, asshole," she said, but she took a few pieces of candy and placed them on the counter anyway. She didn't say anything while Noam scanned them, but before leaving her expression softened and she went behind the counter to place a quick kiss on his cheek. "Happy holidays," she said and then she dashed out of the store just as fast as she did out of Noam's life.

. : : .

It was painful, really, watching Brennan not know what to do with himself as soon as Linda stepped in. Linda was one of their regular customers, always buying candy and toys and Noam tried not to wonder for who, wished someone did that for him when he was a kid. Linda went up to the counter, asked Noam about his day. Noam let himself sigh and say _a little tiring_ and quickly ask about hers before making up an excuse and calling Brennan, who had just been staring at the interaction, to help Linda out. 

Noam stepped off, walked to the backroom. He heard Brennan laugh awkwardly before he closed the door behind him. The backroom counted as many things, storage room when the actual storage room was too crowded, break room, Noam's secret makeshift bedroom. Bethany had needed help with assembling an ikea table the night before, so Noam had said something about being too lazy to walk back to his own nonexistent apartment, landing himself Bethany's couch and a hot shower that morning. He found his backpack and rummaged through it before finding the sandwich Bethany had made for him. He had already had his break, but while eating he thought Brennan might not complain too much about Noam's absence. 

Ten minutes later Noam emerged from the backroom to find Brennan slumped on his chair, banging his head softly against the counter. 

"So that went well," Noam said, picking up a broom and starting to sweep the floor slowly. 

"It went excellent," Brennan deadpanned. "I'm never speaking to a woman again." 

"Aw," Noam laughed. "I'm sure she found you charming." 

"You're either lying to my face or making fun of me," Brennan sighed, standing up. "And I don't know which is worse." 

. : : .

Bethany had the last shift, which meant Noam wouldn't have a key to sneak back into the store and sleep in the backroom. He changed out of his uniform and brushed his teeth in the bathroom sink before meeting Bethany at the cashier register. 

"You're just not the same Noam without the pointy ears," Bethany said while shaking her head, "It's a disappointment Brennan won't let you borrow them outside of work." 

"Oh, shut up" Noam laughed, "Don't you have highschool drama to worry about?" 

"Was my graduation a joke to you?" Bethany glared. 

"I don't believe in what I don't see," he shrugged.

"Same," she said, "I've never seen you use your brain, so I don't think there is one, to be honest." 

Bethany, as much as she was a little piece of shit, was Noam's best friend. She was working in the store part time, but during her holiday break from university Brennan gave her a fulltime job. He'd known her since she was a freshman in highschool and she reached out to him for help in her IT classes. She was just a kid then, but he'd watched her grow up and get into medical school, and he was probably prouder of her than her own parents. 

It was going to be a cold night. When he stepped out of the warmth of the horrendously colorful store he was so shocked by the cold he struggled to breathe. His backpack felt heavier than usual, but he was grateful for the extra protection against the cold it provided for his back. He took the long way to a park in which he used to hang out with Carly. His worn out shoes kept slipping on the ice, and he almost fell a few times until he made it to the park. His and Carly's usual bench was hidden by a tree. When he got there someone was already sitting on it, a book laying next to them.

"Can I sit here?" he asked, hovering awkwardly.

"Why are you asking? It's public space," the boy said. 

Noam sat down. His eyes darted to the book between him and the bored looking boy. It was _Invitation to a Beheading._ Noam had read that book five times before. He cleared his throat and when the boy looked at him, he pointed towards the book "Can I look through it?" 

"Sure," the boy shrugged. 

The book was new and the pages weren't annotated or folded or highlighted. It felt so terribly impersonal and lifeless. Noam's own copy of it was old and almost entirely scribbled on by him, with new remarks and highlighted lines every reread. 

While Noam was turning pages randomly in the book, a third person appeared before him.

"Is that my book?" the person said.

Noam was intimidated to say the least. The man in front of him was taller than him by _much_ , and his stare seemed to cut through Noam. He turned and glared at the boy, who was just smirking. 

"Um-" he sputtered, "It was just laying here, I-" 

"I might have lost it," the man smiled. Noam gaped at him. How did his expression soften like that? "Can you look on page 34, to make sure it's mine?" he asked. 

Noam flicked through the pages, and sure enough on the 34th page there was, neatly scribbled, a name. 

He handed the book to the man and smiled apologetically. The man thanked him and left, leaving the boy next to Noam laughing in his wake.

"It's horrible how unfunny that was," Noam deadpanned, "Why'd you tell me it was yours?" 

"I never told you it was mine, you just assumed," the boy shrugged, a stupid grin plastered to his face.

Noam took out his phone and started furiously typing, letting Bethany know what just happened to him. The boy next to him was so quiet, he might have not even been there at all. 

"I'm Noam," he said after a while. The boy turned to look at him for a few seconds, then he turned back. 

"It's rude to ignore people, you know?" 

The boy laughed. 

"Really? I thought it was polite." 

"What's your name?" Noam asked. 

The boy looked away again. 

"I'm just gonna assume your name is really bad." 

"You love assuming, don't you?" 

"Is it Tom? You do look like a Tom." 

"Yes, how'd you know?" 

"Wait, really?" 

"No, idiot." 

Noam sighed. He didn't know why he was trying to make conversation with this stranger. The boy stood up and brushed his trousers before starting to leave. 

"I'm Dara," he said while walking away. "See you later."

Noam was both weirded out and oddly awed by the boy.

. : : .

After that first meeting in the park, Noam started noticing Dara in the most random places. Leaving the gym in the morning, when Noam was just arriving. Outside of one local church, leaning against the wall. One day Noam saw him walking down the street. He wanted to catch him, say _hi_ , but by the time Noam rounded the corner Dara was nowhere in sight. 

It was odd, how after he saw him once, he couldn't stop noticing him _everywhere._ The boy, Noam thought, was everywhere at once.

Noam just arrived for his shift, when he noticed Dara outside of the store, head angled up so he was staring at the sky. He called for Taye, who was in the backroom changing out of his uniform, and told him he needed a little air.

He walked softly until he was behind Dara, who hadn't noticed him coming. 

"What are you looking at?" he asked in Dara's ear. Dara flinched. 

"Shit! Don't creep on people like that," he said, turning his eyes back to the sky.

"What are you looking at?" Noam asked again.

Dara huffed.

"You can see Mars," he replied to Noam's question.

"Hm…" Noam mused, trying to spot Mars.

"Do you see it?" Dara asked, turning his head towards Noam. They were so close, if Noam turned his head too, their noses would touch. 

"No," Noam murmured. 

“The reddish-looking star,” he said, pointing towards it, and following Dara's line of sight, Noam finally saw it. 

It was tiny, almost as tiny as the other stars surrounding it. Noam would have never guessed it was Mars. Dara turned his head to see Noam's reaction, then turned back. _He looks so happy,_ Noam thought. _As if he swallowed one of those stars and it's illuminating him from within._

"Will you go on a walk with me when I finish my shift?" he blurted out.

Noam had no idea why he'd asked that. He was going to spend the night at Carter's apartment with Bethany and Taye. He wouldn't have to spend the night strolling around the town like a zombie. There was no reason for him to be wandering the streets more than he needed to, no reason for him to need company.

"No." 

"What? Why not?" Noam glared at him.

"I don't know you," Dara said, "You're a little weird." 

"How am I weird?" 

"Hm, good question. You just are."

Noam made an offended noise. "You're the one stalking me." 

Dara snorted, "How'd you get to that conclusion? I like the pointy ears, by the way." He made a movement as if to pick on one of Noam's ears, but thought better of it and retreated his hand.

"Shut up. You were probably standing here because you knew I'd approach you." Noam sounded ridiculous even to his own ears. 

"No offence, but I had no idea you worked here, and elfs are not exactly my type." 

"Fine. Forget I asked," he huffed out. He should have known the boy would be difficult. 

"Asked what?" 

"Are you fucking with me? 

"Just repeat the question, asshole." 

"No." 

"Ok, I'll go on a date with you." 

"What? I asked you to take a walk with me, not go on date." 

"A walk sounds datey to me," Dara smiled. "Anyways, I'll go. Now go back inside." 

"Come with me," Noam suggested, not expecting Dara to actually agree.

He was surprised when Dara nodded and went inside before Noam had time to say anything else.

"Finally, dude! You said you'd be a minute," Taye said, wrapping a scarf around his neck. 

"Sorry, " Noam muttered, "I guess it was too warm in here."

"Are you feeling alright?" Taye asked, "I could cover this shift for you." 

"No, I'm good," Noam said, quicker than he should. He hated the way everyone paid too much attention to how he was feeling. Always asking about his doctor visits, always fussing about his health. It was exhausting, the way his friend who wouldn't pass you the salt if it was right in his hand just offered to cover his shift for him. They were bending over and backwards for him and Noam just wanted them to treat him like they did before his health declined. 

Taye raised his eyebrow. 

"Really, " Noam continued, "I'm fine. I'll see you at Carter's later." 

By the time Taye left, Dara had wandered deep enough into the store that Noam couldn't see him anymore. The store was empty at this time, so he went searching for him through the few isles of the store. He spotted Dara in the book section which was filled with only a few genres, the ones that appealed either to kids or bored adults with kids. Noam thought he was inspecting the books, but when he got closer he saw Dara was holding a bunch of kids fantasy books and was placing them in the lifestyle section. He should have gotten mad, really, since he was probably the one that was going to have to rearrange them the next day, but he left Dara at it and went back at the register. 

When Dara came back, it was with an irritated expression on his face. "There is like, no good book there," he said, leaning against the counter. 

"This isn't exactly a bookstore," Noam laughed. "Anyways, there are some good books in there." 

"No, there are not. J.K. Rowling is not good literature, neither is some billionaire selling a book he probably didn't even write to people thinking they could become billionaires, too." 

Noam agreed, but didn't say so. He raised one eyebrow, pushing his chair back, making space for Dara to come behind the counter and take a seat on it, feet dangling in front of him.

"What is good literature, then?" Noam asked, pulling one foot under him.

" _The brothers Karamazov_ is good literature. _Crime and Punishment_ is good literature," he said " _Ada, or Ardor, Invitation to a Beheading."_

Noam had read all of those books. He nodded, letting Dara know he agreed with him.

"Actually, I believe Vladimir Nabokov is the best novelist of all the time, so all his works count here." 

"Children don't really read Nabokov, Dara." 

Dara rolled his eyes. "Well, they should," he said. 

Dara lifted one foot and touched Noam's knee with it. "Do you like pineapple on pizza?" he asked, the turn in conversation taking Noam by surprise. 

"I've never tried it," he shrugged. "I don't think I'd like it, though. " 

Dara sighed. "I should have known, your elf taste buds must not be working properly. " 

"That makes no sense whatsoever. " 

"You're a heathen, Noam. Tell me something that will make me forgive you." 

Noam looked somewhere behind Dara. What kind of thing was he supposed to say? He turned his eyes back on Dara, whose stare never wavered away from Noam. 

"I believe our current president is a huge piece of shit," he said. "If I had a special power I would like to be able to, like, control computers without having to touch them. Or telekinesis, that would be cool." 

Dara made a sound of agreement, a soft _mhm_. "That does it, I think. You're all forgiven. I'd like to read minds." 

"Wouldn't that be a little tiring?" 

Dara shrugged. "It would have more benefits than that." 

Noam tried to think what those benefits were, and was glad Dara couldn't actually read minds. He'd know how awed Noam was by him. 

He checked the time. No one had went into the store in the past hour, and he thought no one would come until closing time. So he closed the store earlier, letting Dara lead the way while talking his ear off about stars. He watched Dara as he spoke, not really hearing his words, but paying attention to the way his eyes sparkled and how his hair kept falling on his forehead. 

"—my favorite one is Andromeda. What's yours?" 

"Hm?" Noam said, breaking out of his trance.

"What is your favorite constellation?" 

A beat. Noam tried to think about constellation names and couldn't come up with anything. "I don't know much about constellations, " he said, looking away, which, in hindsight, was a bad idea. His left foot slipped on something and he went crashing down into a pile of trash. He stood there a few seconds, too shocked and embarrassed to move. It could only happen to him. He was finally taking a cute boy on something like a date and he fell face first into trash. He groaned and took Dara's extended hand to help him get up. His backpack was always heavier when he picked it up. He carried way more than he was supposed to carry in a backpack, daily. 

"Stop laughing, asshole," Noam muttered while trying to brush the dirt off his trousers, "Do you have some insane pleasure in seeing me embarrass myself?" he said, thinking back to their first meeting just the night before. 

They continued their walk in comfortable silence. Dara led him into a small garden belonging to an apartment complex. Noam thought the place was beautiful, and way too green for December. They went to the very back, sitting down one one of the many white benches scattered around the garden.

Everyone around him seemed to be lost in their own worlds. Dara pointed to a blonde man that looked to be just a little over thirty and said "That's Anders, he's Scandinavian and he's stupidly short." 

Noam laughed "The guy next to him?" 

"That's Nick. He had some issues with the mafia when he was younger," he whispered. "They make a very grumpy couple. "

"The mafia? You're not being serious," Noam said, still looking around the place. 

"Maybe I'm not," Dara shrugged, "But the last part is true. They seem to not stand anyone but each other."

Noam laughed. "Tell me an entire sentence that doesn't include a lie."

Dara seemed to think for a while. "My name's Dara Shirazi and my adoptive father is a piece of shit."

Noam nodded. He knew about shitty fathers. 

"Also, my childhood dream consisted of a farm and a few goats," he said. 

"Bullshit, I said no lying," Noam smirked. 

"It's true," Dara said, lightly punching Noam's arm.

"Why didn't you pursue it?" Noam asked. Dara shrugged, "Life happened, I guess."

"Was your childhood dream to live out of a backpack and have pointy ears as part of your uniform?" 

"Obviously not," Noam said as he watched the Scandinavian couple bicker across the garden.

"Then what was it?

Noam swallowed hard. What was it, really? He couldn't remember ever having a dream past survival. Past making sure his parents weren't caught and deported. Past dropping out of school after his mother killed herself and his dad stopped being a functional human being to get a job so they wouldn't starve. Past all the illness stuff the winter before, and his life crumbling in on itself. He told Dara the first half of it. He told him about his mother, about his dad, about Carly and his personal issues becoming too much for her to handle. 

"That's a lot," Dara said.

"Don't look at me like that." 

"Like what?" 

"Like I'm an experiment gone wrong," Noam laughed. 

"I think despite all of the things you went through, you came out entirely right." 

When the time when he should've been at Carter's passed, Noam didn't hurry. He listened quietly to Dara's little comments and remarks about everything while walking to the bus stop. Dara told him about his friends and about the old lady that lived across from him that used to bring him homemade cookies and never complained when he played music too loud. About his fondness for goats and the house plants he hadn't taken care of in a while.

Noam felt like his parting with Dara came too soon. He had an internal fight with himself before he asked

"Can I have your phone number?"

"I don't have a phone." 

Noam laughed nervously, sure he'd been rejected, "You don't have a phone?" 

"Well, I do," Dara cringed, "I just never use it. It's in a cupboard at home." 

"How will I contact you, then?" he asked.

"Just look for me," he said. "I gotta go." 

"Where?" Noam asked, hoping he wasn't overstepping. 

Dara pointed at the church across the street. A line was formed outside the door, made out of mostly old men with worn out clothes that were definitely not adequate for the wintertime. Noam realized the church had been turned into a homeless shelter. 

"I volunteer there during the nights," Dara offered, "You should come sometimes." 

"I'm- I'm not homeless," Noam sputtered.

"Of course. You should come help."

"Sure, I'll think about it," he said, not entirely convinced he'll do it.

. : : .

When he arrived at Carter's, they were already halfway through the movie. Taye greeted him at the door and asked him if he was feeling alright. Noam assured him everything was fine and walked to the living room. Bethany was laying with her head in Carter's lap, snoring softly. Noam smiled to himself. He'd seen them kiss in the backroom once, when Carter was visiting Bethany at work. It wasn't a surprise to him, Bethany had never been into boys, and when he saw her kissing Carter Ames out of everyone, it just made sense. 

Noam sat down next to Carter with a sheepish smile. The girl was glaring at him. 

"You make us watch this stupid movie and then you don't show up half of it," she said, removing her hand from Bethany's hair and going to punch Noam in the shoulder. 

"I'm sorr—" 

"Worst of it all," she interrupted, "Is Taye told us you weren't feeling good earlier, so we had to physically restrain Bethany from going to check up on you, and we couldn't freak out ourselves, because then we'd have freaked her out more! And your stupid phone was off!" 

Halfway through her little rant, Carter started to raise her voice. Bethany stirred in her sleep. Noam glanced at her, and she opened her eyes, staring up at him. 

"Noam?" 

"Hi," he said, "How're you feeling, Beth?" 

She pulled herself into a sitting position, her eyes locked on Noam. 

"You asshole!" She yelled, "Why are you so late?" 

"Uh-" he started, but he realized he didn't have a good excuse, and he didn't feel like sharing the entire Dara thing with them, not yet, so he faltered. "The bus broke down?" 

He hated this more than anything, having to give explanations like he was a child. His friends worrying over him like he was broken. 

"Liar," Carter muttered under her breath. 

Bethany stood up with a sigh, "I'm bringing you leftovers from dinner," she said, walking lazily towards the kitchen. 

Taye gave Noam an apologetic smile. Noam had no reason to be angry at them, they were just worried. But God, did he hate when they fussed over him like this. 

. : : .

This wasn't the worst thing Noam had done to one of Carter's belongings. Just a week prior he'd set her Persian rug on fire. That incident, he thought, was their fault. They should have been aware that placing a candle so close to Noam would result in him knocking it off, somehow. 

After Bethany brought him the food, he decided to go make some popcorn. Five minutes into the whole ordeal, the microwave started making weird noises and the kitchen filled with smoke. After they managed to turn the smoke alarm off, Carter figured soon enough that the microwave wouldn't turn back on. 

Despite her reassurances that it was all fine, and that the microwave was going to break soon anyways, Noam couldn't help but feel like shit. He set his sleeping bag in the hall and went to sleep early. His heart was hammering in his chest. He felt so clumsy and embarrassed, it felt like the whole world was crashing in on him. 

. : : .

  
When he woke up that morning Carter and Bethany were already gone. Taye explained that Bethany had something to do in town before work started and Carter was having breakfast with her family. He was grateful for being able to take a long shower, without rushing because of the lack of intimacy and the coldness of the showers provided by the gym.

That day new supplies were brought in, and Brennan asked all of them to come to work to move things around and help with the inventory. He was always excited about new toys coming in. The place really seemed like a dream when customers weren't around to piss him off. 

When Noam and Taye arrived at the store, Noam's heart dropped. The glass door was smashed, small shards of glass scattered all around the sidewalk. Inside, two police officers discussed with Brennan and a worried looking Bethany. 

"What happened?" Noam asked, walking over to them.

"A break in," Bethany murmured. 

Brennan sighed, "This is the employee that closed last night. He can tell if he saw anything." 

When the officers turned towards him, Noam just muttered "Nothing out of the ordinary. 

It was his fault, Noam knew. He was so excited to go out with Dara he forgot to lock the door. As soon as the officers left, Brennan turned to him. "I had to smash my own window because otherwise it wouldn't be classified as a break in," he said, matter of factly. "How could you be so careless?" 

"Look, Brennan- I'm so sorry. I was- I felt a little sick last night." Noam felt ashamed of lying about his health, especially since he knew how seriously everyone around him took it. 

He was surprised when Brennan gave him another chance and let him off with just a disappointed look. He was tasked with doing the inventory while Taye and Bethany were fixing up the store. The "break in" were probably just a few kids. They didn't make too much of a mess, but there were money missing. 

He seemed to be a walking disaster lately. The shame and embarrassment he felt seemed to engulf him whole. The inventory took him the whole day, and since they didn't open to customers Taye and Bethany finished and left early. 

Brennan came and locked up the store himself, so Noam didn't have the key to sneak in and sleep in the store. He was sitting on the curb when his phone started ringing. His dad hasn't called since the day Carly came to see him, and he decided to pick it up for her sake. 

"Hi, dad." 

"Noam, finally. Why have you been ignoring me?" Noam could hear the hurt in his dad's voice.

"I'm not ignoring you, I've just been busy. " 

"How busy could you be that you don't have time to answer a phone call? We've been worried." 

_We,_ him and his girlfriend and her son. Noam didn't have many reasons to resent the woman, she had been nothing but nice to him. It hurt him that she was the first person his dad had opened up to after his mother killed herself. After he'd spent an entire year not speaking, not working, barely leaving his room to take showers. 

Noam was quiet. He wanted to yell at his dad all of the real reasons that have made him ignore him. He knew everyone dealt with grief differently, but he needed him all that time. He wasn't the only one who lost her. And now Noam wasn't sure he wanted the man back in his life, when he finally regained some kind of health stability and wasn't dependent on anyone's help.

"You missed five doctor's appointments," His dad said on the other line.

"Please don't start with this. I'm feeling completely fine, I don't need to see a doctor every single week anymore. " 

His dad sighed. "Will you at least come for dinner on the first night of Hanukkah?" 

Noam should have expected this. They were celebrating Hanukkah this year, his dad was talking this year, he was recovering, and all Noam seemed to do was get worse. All he seemed to do was wallow in self pity and fall down a path of self destruction he couldn't see the end of. 

"I don't think I'll be able to," he said, when he spotted Dara approaching him. 

"Why not?" his dad asked. _Why not?_ Noam didn't know, didn't feel like explaining. 

"I- I have to go. I'll call you later," he said distractedly before hanging up. 

"Were you coming to see me?" he asked when Dara was close enough to hear him. 

"No," Dara laughed. 

"You're not a good liar."

"True," he said, sitting down next to Noam. "Shit, this is cold." 

Noam laughed, "That's why you need a backpack you can sit on." 

"I might need to get one, then. What's with all this glass?" he asked, looking at the stray pieces of glass Bethany or Taye didn't sweep off the ground. 

"Oh," Noam said, turning his head to look behind him at the replaced window, "There was a break in, someone forgot to lock the door." 

"I'm sure that someone didn't mean to leave it unlocked." 

"What does it matter what that someone meant? The break in still happened." 

Dara hummed and stared straight ahead. For a while he seemed to be thinking about something. Noam took in all his features. How has he not realized how beautiful Dara was until now? His brown skin was glowing under the yellow lamplight. Noam had the urge to push the stray curls away from his forehead. 

"Have you ever been ice skating?" Dara asked, suddenly breaking his own trance.

"No," Noam whispered, still transfixed on Dara's face.

"Let's go, then," Dara said. He stood up and extended his hand to Noam. 

The ice skating rink Dara took him to was closed, so Dara made Noam pick the lock. As soon as he stepped on the ice, he collapsed in Dara's hands. Dara started laughing while putting Noam back on his feet. 

"Stop it, idiot. This isn't funny." 

"It's incredible how funny it is," Dara said, taking Noam's hand. "Just relax. If you keep being so tense, you'll never get the hang of it." 

After multiple failed attempts at teaching Noam how to skate, Dara's started showing off his own little tricks on ice. Noam kept cheering him on, way louder than he should be in what was supposed to be a closet, quiet ice skating rink. The guard burst in through the door. "Hey! Who the hell are you?!" 

They set off running. Noam was glad he stuffed his shoes in his backpack while he picked it up off the ground in a swift motion and ran with his skates on. 

He laughed so much his lungs hurt. After he took the skates off, they returned to leave them at the ice skating rink door. He was surprised to find out Dara had changed back in his own shoes before running out. Noam didn't know how that was possible, but Dara seemed to be a man of many talents. 

"I'm volunteering at the shelter tonight," Dara said, "Do you want to walk me there?" 

Dara didn't lead him on the main streets, he took him through narrow alleys and dark little streets, all seeming to not even be part of the town. Noam had never seen them."This seems a little bit serial killer-ish, if you ask me" Noam remarked while walking one narrow alley behind Dara. 

"I didn't ask," Dara laughed, and suddenly they were out of the alley and just across the church. "We're in the open now, so I lost my chance anyway," he said. 

The walk was surprisingly short, and Noam felt a pang in his heart at having to part with Dara. 

"You should come in," Dara suggested.

"Maybe some other time." 

Dara looked disappointed. "Are you sure? It's really cold tonight. " 

When Noam didn't reply, Dara just exhaled and started walking away. "Goodnight, then." 

"Goodnight."


End file.
